Adoption is primarily governed by state law. As a general rule, any adult who is determined to be a “fit parent” can adopt a child as long as the child is available for adoption.
However, marriage is considered a sign of the stability of a relationship. As an unmarried couple, you need to expect to do extra work to prove that your home is a stable and healthy environment for raising children.
If an unmarried couple jointly adopts a child, or if one partner adopts the biological child of the other, from then on, both parents are the legal parents of that adopted child. This means both have equal legal responsibilities to raise and support the child. If you and your partner decide to separate, each of you has the right to request the court for custody of (or visitation with) the child, and each has a legal obligation to provide child support.
How Does Traditional Adoption Work?
At the beginning of a traditional adoption, a local social service agency will conduct a home study and interview you and your partner about your background, relationship, and the reason(s) you desire to adopt.
The agency’s research will also include a criminal background check and an evaluation of your home. Ultimately, the agency will issue a home study report to the family law court. The court then shares this report with the specific adoption agency you are working with, and if things look good, the agency will approve you for adoption.
If you are working with a public agency, there will be a wait – often a very long wait – before a child becomes available. If you are working with a private adoption agency, then typically, you will submit information about yourself to a registry that expectant birth mothers use to select parents they think might be a good choice for their child. If a birth mother chooses you and you agree, then the adoption can move forward as soon as the baby is born.
As an unmarried couple, you may have a longer wait for a child, or you may have to broaden your ideas about the age and type of child you want to adopt.
What Are Stepparent and Second-Parent Adoptions?
In a stepparent adoption, a divorced parent remarries, and the new spouse adopts the child. Notably, this can only occur if the child’s natural parent has passed away, if their parental rights have been taken away for some reason, such as abuse or abandonment, or if they give consent to have their parental rights terminated. These adoptions usually are not costly and may not require a home study by a social worker.
The equivalent process for unmarried couples is called “second-parent adoption.”
When the couple is unmarried, a social worker home study (described above) is usually required.
If the noncustodial parent is the father, the social service agency will determine whether his consent is needed before a stepparent or second-parent adoption can occur. A father who signs a paternity statement provides financial support, and works to maintain a relationship with his child can most likely prevent the child from being adopted by his ex’s current partner.
If the noncustodial parent is the mother, the social service agency will need to obtain her consent to the adoption or go to court to have her parental rights terminated.
Unmarried birth parents without custody have to pay support if they can afford to, and they must visit the child and act as a parent toward the child. If they fail to do so, they can be judged to have abandoned the child, and they face losing the child to a stepparent or second-parent adoption.
What Are the Requirements for Child Adoption?
Generally, any adult who can show that they (or a couple jointly) are a “fit parent” may adopt a child. The adoption must be in the “best interest of the child.” States vary on the particular qualifications and characteristics an adoptive parent must possess. Some of these factors include age, marital status, and financial status.
Most adoptive parents are typically between 25 and 50 years old. Each state has age requirements: some require an adopting parent to be at least 25 years old; others only require that the parent be 18 or 21. In addition to their age as measured from birth, many states require that the adopting parent be a certain number of years older than the child (typically ten).
Another important factor that comes into play is marital status. Although the states do not require that an adopting couple be married, married couples typically find the broadest selection of adoption alternatives available. This is because many adoption agencies “reserve” healthy infants and younger children for two-parent families where the parents are married. Also, the birth parents themselves often specify that they desire their children to be placed in a two-parent married household.
Nevertheless, many single people and unmarried couples adopt successfully. In some states, a married person can adopt as a single parent if they are legally separated or if the other spouse is considered legally incompetent.
Last, courts will examine the general financial health of the household. While you are not required to have your own home or meet any predetermined income level to become an adoptive parent, showing that you are financially capable of raising a child is useful.
While your income may come from employment, a pension, or disability payments, the court will need an assurance that you can support and care for the child in at least a modest financial way. Most courts base their conclusions regarding financial stability through a steady employment history.
As an aside, whether they are married or cohabiting, both parents can work outside the home. Previously, one parent (usually the mother) had to stay home with the child. Working outside the home will no longer hinder a couple’s eligibility for adoption.
What Are the Adoption Choices for Same-Sex Couples?
Recently, the laws and regulations have been more inclusive about the lives of same-sex couples. Only a minority of states (like Florida and Mississippi) explicitly prohibit adoption by homosexuals. Utah prohibits adoption by persons who are cohabiting but are not legally married, and this language could be interpreted to include same-sex couples.
Also, in Connecticut, the sexual orientation of the prospective adoptive parent may be taken into account for adoption purposes, even though there are provisions in the state’s laws prohibiting discrimination based on sexual orientation. Therefore, even in states where there is no specific mention of sexual orientation in the adoption regulations of the state, it can still become an issue in court, and some judges might use it to deny a petition for adoption.
When Do I Need to Consult With a Lawyer?
If you are living together and are not married and you want to adopt a child, you will find yourself amid an array of state laws and policies that affect adoption. It may be useful to research your local state laws regarding these policies for adoption. Before considering adoption in general, it is important to consider the requirements for adopting a child and what responsibilities it entails.
Instead of trying to learn all the law yourself, it is highly recommended that you hire the services of a local adoption lawyer. Becoming adoptive parents for a child is no easy task and requires a lifetime worth of commitment. Therefore, if you are struggling to make this decision, reach out to a local adoption lawyer who can assist you with these matters.
