What Is a Divorce Mediator?

Mediation is a type of alternative dispute resolution method. In divorce mediation, a neutral third party is either chosen by the parties or appointed by the court to resolve various conflicts between the two disputing spouses. Sessions often happen in the mediator’s office, but there are plenty of online (or “virtual”) mediation options.

The mediator will not decide the issues presented to them; they will facilitate cooperation and compromise between the two parties. Notably, even if mediation may be court-ordered, the parties can walk away from mediation and may proceed to trial. It is important to note that all settlement offers and communications made during mediation are confidential and may not be used in a trial.

Who Is a Divorce Mediator?

Divorce mediators are trained professionals with experience resolving family law matters, particularly divorce and legal separation. The parties get to agree on a mediator beforehand. If they can’t decide, the judge will appoint someone.

Divorce mediation facilitates communication between spouses in a non-confrontational atmosphere. The goal of the divorce mediator is to resolve all issues and conflicts between the parties through fair and reasonable compromises by both parties.

What Types of Issues Does a Divorce Mediator Help With?

Divorce mediators often help guide discussions over issues such as:

• Whether or not the couple wants to go through with divorce
• Property distribution matters and disputes
• Alimony (spousal support)
• Child custody, visitation rights, alimony, and child support disputes
• Abuse or domestic violence
• Elder care issues, such as family business succession, the management of the family estate, or inheritance
• Other family law issues, such as providing for grandparent-child visitation

Benefits of Divorce Mediation

Divorce mediation is often favored by both courts and parties, who seek a less costly and more timely way to resolve family law disagreements. Family mediation is almost always less expensive than trial, as a trial requires more hours of billable attorney time and the presentation of evidence, witnesses, and other court costs.

• The availability of help while navigating the issues. The more complex the situation is—for example, if there are a lot of assets or a child with special needs—the more likely the spouses will need some guidance resolving the issues. A knowledgeable mediator can alert couples to the details they need to consider, lay out possible solutions that have worked for other couples, and help complete the paperwork.
• Cost. Mediation is typically less expensive than a trial
• Settling the case. Most mediations end in the settlement of all of the issues
• Confidentiality. Mediation is confidential, with no public record of what happens in the sessions. Anybody can generally obtain court trial records
• Freedom. Mediation allows for resolution based on the parties’ ideas of what is fair rather than imposing a solution based on rigid and impersonal legal principles. Judges typically have big caseloads, with only a limited time to consider each situation that comes before them. With mediation, you can dive into the issues and craft creative solutions. For example,
• Advice still available. Parties can go to mediation and still choose to have a lawyer give them legal advice
• Control. The spouses — not the court — control the process and the outcome
• Speed. Once the issues are resolved, the mediator or the attorneys will prepare an order of divorce for the judge to sign. Judges have hundreds of cases on their dockets at a time, and they willingly close cases when that can be done as simply as reviewing and signing a document
• Communication. The mediation process encourages communication, helping avoid future conflicts
• Control over the schedule. With a traditional litigated divorce process, the court will tell the parties when they must appear, with little concern for their schedules or needs. In mediation, all meetings will be set with the convenience of the parties taken into consideration. It is even possible to do the mediation over the internet – unlike with a court case, divorce mediation can be done without needing to leave the house

Who Shouldn’t Consider Divorce Mediation

Mediation works for most divorcing couples, even those with hard feelings and many issues to resolve. While mediation is worth trying for most people, not all divorces belong to mediation. Mediation might not be right if:

• There has been spousal abuse or fear for the children’s safety. If there is current abuse in the marriage or family, police authorities must be made aware of this. If there was abuse in the relationship, but it was in the past and has ceased, the parties should carefully weigh the pros and cons of mediating. Some who have been abused might find it empowering to meet on the level playing field of a mediation session. Mediators take precautions to ensure that mediation occurs in safe conditions (for example, by meeting with the spouses separately). However, others who have been abused could understandably find it traumatic to have to mediate or might feel the power or intimidation dynamics are too great—it might be better for them to have a lawyer negotiate for them. Some mediators won’t take cases that involve domestic violence
• One spouse has a history of being deceitful or untrustworthy. If it is suspected that one or both spouses are hiding assets, wasting funds, or lying, mediation probably won‘t be successful. For mediation to work, both spouses must be truthful, make full disclosures, and play by the rules
• One of the parties has difficulty negotiating on their own with their spouse, perhaps because of feelings of intimidation. They might be better off with a lawyer in court than in a mediation situation
• The playing field isn’t level – one party has more power. Mediation can fail if one person has the upper hand. A bullying spouse may expect to get all their preferences and desires met and might not ever agree to settle anything

Is Mediation Final?

Mediators don’t make decisions or offer legal advice but rather serve as facilitators to help spouses figure out what’s best for their situation.

Mediation is not the final process. After resolving their disputes, the results from the mediation process will be reviewed by a judge and converted into an order so that it becomes legally enforceable. For instance, a custody schedule must be approved by a judge and converted into an order. This will help provide legal validity to the results and conclusions reached during a mediation session.

Do I Need a Lawyer for Help with Divorce Mediation?

Although not required to participate in the divorce mediation, having a well-qualified and knowledgeable family law attorney in your area may be in your best interests. An experienced family law attorney can properly prepare you for mediation and guide you during important meetings.

Divorce laws can sometimes be subject to changes or updates. In such cases, your attorney can keep you informed if there are any changes to the laws in your area that might affect the outcome of your particular case.
Additionally, they can use their experience and legal knowledge to recommend fair compromises given your particular legal disputes and the likely outcome if a judge decides the disputes. Finally, they can review any proposed settlement agreements and represent you in court if the mediation process is unsuccessful.